Lately I’ve seen these playful interview questions to ask your kids floating around social media. What’s the coronavirus? Why are we wearing masks? What does social distancing mean? And while the answers kids are giving make me laugh and admire their innocence, it also makes me wonder…what should we tell the kids about all this?
Children probably fall into the category of “most disrupted lifestyle” at the moment. Are they dealing with detrimental changes or financial stress? No, but their changes are monstrous none the less.
We know children crave routine. Their lives run on a schedule, and right now that predictability has been thrown out the window. Their school has closed, they can’t see their beloved teacher, all of a sudden they’re doing math class at the kitchen counter and playing with classmates seems like a distant memory.
Their little lives have been turned upside down, their comfortable routine has gone to chaos and on top of all that, they’re probably dealing with feelings of isolation…something even grown-ups struggle to cope with.
So, how do we help them? What do we tell them, or not tell them? How do we explain what the heck is going on in the world right now? I spoke to a doctor, a nurse, a teacher and a counselor. Here is what they all agreed upon:
You need to be the one to start the conversation.
Majority of kids probably don’t even know where to start or what to ask. Pandemic, COVID-19, coronavirus… these are words they’ve never heard before and are now probably hearing them on a daily basis. They may not know how to form the questions to help calm their worries in their mind. As a kid, it’s their job to ask questions but in this situation, as the grown-up, it’s your job to initiate and facilitate the conversation.
Explain on their level.
We can’t exactly use medical terminology to explain these big topics to our little people. So, how do we define these new words for them? Keep it simple, use their words. “Here’s what I tell my own children…when germs create an infection in people, it’s called a virus. A virus can make people very sick,” said Dr. Carolyn Talbott, DNP, APN. “When a virus affects people from all over the world at the same time, it’s called a pandemic. Right now, the whole world is experiencing a pandemic.” Breaking down these new words can help take the scariness out of what is going on.
Give them a sense of control.
Right now, kids probably feel very out of control of their daily life. There are many restrictions, lots of changes and they are probably hearing “no” a whole lot more. Adults are struggling to maintain positive attitudes; can you imagine what’s going on inside the mind of a 5-year-old? Kids can experience feelings of depression, and it’s probably coming out as temper tantrums.
So, how can we comfort them? Try giving them “special jobs” to help keep the family safe. Enlist your kindergartner to remind everyone to wash their hands before dinner every day, let him squirt the soap onto their palms. Ask your third grader to be the “mouth police.” If she sees anyone putting their fingers in their mouth, she can write them a “ticket.” Teach your preschooler how to cough and sneeze into their elbow instead of their hand and praise them when you catch them doing it. Kids love to be our little helpers, they want to show us they can “do it themselves.” Right now, we all need to stay healthy and giving them little tasks to help the family maintain that status will fill them up with a sense of pride and contribution.
Assure them.
We can explain until we’re blue in the face, and kids may still have feelings of worry. Let your parenting instincts kick in and calm their fears with good old-fashioned hugs, cuddles, patience and comforting words. The world will go back to normal one day, school will open back up, and until then we will stay safe at home. Reassure them we have leaders, scientists and doctors working hard to keep us safe, and it’s our job to stay home or away from large crowds (insert your own family’s precautionary measures) until they can find a solution. Are they still concerned? Hug them. Cuddle them. Play a game with them. Bake cookies. Shift their focus and create positive memories for them to hold on to amidst this uncertain time in their life.
“One of the truest analogies I have ever heard in regards to coping with a challenging situation among a family is this...Your family is together on an airplane right now, and there’s some serious turbulence. The kids are afraid. What do we do when we’re afraid on an airplane? We look at the flight attendants. If they seem scared, we panic, too. If they seem calm, we stay calm. So what I’m telling you is that you are the flight attendant, and you’ve been through enough turbulence to know you’ll make it through. Your kids are new to flying, so they’re going to look to you to see whether they’re okay. Your job right now is to stay calm, smile - and keep serving the freaking peanuts.”
When things aren’t explained to kids, they’re left to their own imaginations. Oftentimes the conclusions they come up with in their head are a whole lot worse than what is actually happening. Speaking on their level, and giving them a safe space to ask questions and express their worries is the best thing you can do for them.
Keep the conversation going too, this is an ongoing situation. Kids may hear or see new things over time that confuse or scare them. Check in with them every so often…right now, we’re all they have. They don’t have teachers to talk to, or classmates to bounce their questions off of. Our kids need us more now than probably ever before in their little lives. We are their safe haven and the pandemic won’t change that. So keep on keepin’ on Moms and Dads…you got this.
Looking for a little help having these conversations with your kids? Check out the latest special edition children’s book in The I HAVE Series below.
Learn more about the other topics covered in The I HAVE Series, including divorce, stepparents, same-sex parents, death of loved one, and special needs at www.theihaveseries.com
